Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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