I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
