Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
