I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Found your dick twin last night
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Randomize
