Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
