i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
