So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
