I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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