If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
