My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
wanna go halves on a baby?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
vagina is talking i cant
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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