pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
North Korea, Best Korea!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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