I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
