Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
