Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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