Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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