Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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