rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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