i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
