I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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