I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I feel like abortions should bother me more
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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