I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
