Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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