Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
