508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
