it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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