barbara walters just said penis...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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