Don't you send me to vm
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
