my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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