i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
