I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
