I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
