so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
