My hair reeks of homosexuality.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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