So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
