____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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