I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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