I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
