That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
