I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize