I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
How does one acquire holy water?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
