you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
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In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We have started to decorate penises.
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I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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