you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
