Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
now i know why i became what i already was.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
