Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
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