I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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