I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
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