We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I got inside last night via doggy door
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
