he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
