he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I am one with the molecules
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
