How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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