Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize