Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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