I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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