Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
