She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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