Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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