I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
