Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
