Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Randomize
