Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
