Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
