I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
