I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
