I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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