Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize