I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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